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Her infinite smile…

I was slowly opening my eyes to the dews of midnight dreams, when I heard her calling my name. For a while everything she said felt empty. As if all the words kept passing through me without really any understanding. I just sat there and nodded my head in confusion, without really being aware of anything but the infinite joy that is dancing around her lips.

She was so radiant as I watch her smile, her pale face is against the blood red of the roses which she’s clutching tight to her chest.  She was sharing a brief moment of blissful insanity with the once thorn-filled beauty that is now prisoner in her hands.

I could not even begin to ask how such petty little things could bring so much happiness to such an unfathomable girl. Who would even dare question the insanity brought about by the unexpected response to one’s feelings, by the person whom he or she loves? Who would dare break a moment of self-fulfilment when one finally realizes that the impossible that one’s hoping for is now within arm’s reach? It wouldn’t be me.

So I just kept lying quietly against the grass, tucking myself into the silence of my queries and inattention, as I look upon the sky that is slowly stripping itself off the colors of midnight. I haven’t realized how long it had been. It surely has been hours since we got here. It has been hours since she started telling me about her now severed unrequited love and hundreds of minutes since I started tuning it out for all I wanted to think about was the person who we were waiting for. How many more minutes?

And soon as I decided to give up waiting and start for home, I saw a familiar figure from a distance that has convinced me to stay a little longer.  He waves at us from a distance and I tried to wave back with as much enthusiasm. He walks closer and as the details of his face start to get clearer, my desire to cut the moment was growing stronger. I sighed to myself hoping that somehow the radiance of her smile could make those roses disappear from his sight, but one could only hope for the possible.

I sat up trying to give as much attention as I could. I looked for signs in his face, wanting to know if he’s still holding up, but all I got where vague stares and empty smiles. And I stared at him for so long hoping that my gaze could tell him how sorry I am for letting this happen when I know the truth about his feelings and how much time is slipping from our hands, but he wouldn’t look back. He wouldn’t even so much return a glance as if the roses stood as a bouquet of my betrayal – my failure to keep my promise.

And the three of us went on like this for so long, I felt as if the distance between all of us right now exceeded all the time we spent together. I sat there helpless with no remedy for my problems; he sat there listening with a makeshift smile to conceal his sorrow as we both listen to her love-struck tale, which beyond her knowing is pulling us apart.

And there was so much silence between us that my thoughts felt as if they were screaming at me. I should have just told her from the start. “The boy loves you more than anything in the world and you care for him as much. I wish you’d just give a careful look even just for a while and realize that you’re blocking yourself from what’s right in front of you because you’re too busy chasing stars. ” And the selfishness of my thoughts started to escalate as I went on “How can you be so reckless as to ruin our friendship like this-Waving the petals of your exaggerated infatuation in front of the boy who’s breaking in pieces. How could you spend our last moment together, breaking the two hearts that cared for you the most? He’s leaving tonight, drop the lifeless beauty and run for him…”  But as my thoughts went to a halt, I realized she never really knew, did she? As obvious as it may seem for everybody else, his feelings were always just genuine friendship for her and she never really did knew that those feelings were trying to bid farewell at this very moment.

He gave one last smile and a hug for the both of us before starting for home. And I wanted to stay in that moment for as long as I can for it will be very long until we are like this again. And I wanted to pull him back in as soon as his hands started to slip away, but there’s no stopping time from running. So I gave him one last look telling him that I’m really sorry, and to my most fortunate heart he returned my gesture with a soft wink and a faint smile that allowed me to understood that he was going to try again.

And so we parted ways with untold secrets and fluttering hopes. I sat myself inside the car hoping my dreams could once again take me to a safe place. And right beside me sat the girl who completed the other half of my heart, whispering to the world all the happiness she has inside.

She grins into silence, as the sun peers through the windows of the car and the rays spread gracefully across her face. I sit across her, watching. My thoughts spiral down as I follow the threads of her hair be blown by the wind. I looked at her and she still holds all the joy of the world in her infinite smile.

Could anyone really break such happiness? Should I let everything untold keep hanging? I sigh my confusion unto the wind and thought to myself “Maybe not today. I won’t see the two of you be together today. But maybe some other day, when clouds are clearer and emotions aren’t as tangled as the lights dancing on earth. ”

And I let my problems pass just for that moment, and I let myself get lost in the growing music of the drizzle that’s been building up outside. Not knowing that a pure moment of empty thoughts and silent gestures would precede a billion moments apart.

The rain was beginning to rage as I slowly slip into the land of dreams. I took one last glance at the joy of the person sitting beside me.

As the world started to turn into a massive collision and shards of bleeding glass started to rain down on us, I was collecting the last thing to remember…

The three of us won’t be seeing each other soon. Death is not soon enough.

1

Light Me Up

The sun was setting beyond the horizon. The flaming colors of the setting engulfed the small wooden house, as she sits still in her solitude. She looks outside the window, trying to look at a distant past.  In her memory, she journeys back to the old farmhouse, where there is nothing but fields of gold, the small sounds of crickets in the distance and the loving embrace of the one she loved the most.

She opens her eyes, trying to keep hold of the present. Everything was blurred as if every sight was stained by raindrops. Her vision was faltering more than ever but she was fine. The colors were still there and so were the lights and shadows.

She touches her hands, feeling every fold of the many decades of existence. It was warm on the surface perhaps because of the sun’s touch. Though, inside she only felt the coldness that went with the thought of not being able to hold somebody. How long has it been? How many years have passed since she last touched him?

She makes a deep sigh, picks up the cigarette she lighted earlier and took one long drag. She puts it down on the table and slowly lies down to rest.

It was already night, the darkness was taking over her home. The one thing illuminating was the tiny flame from the cigarette. The light was weak as if it was breathing its last breath. It flickers. Once. Twice. Then a third time. Then there was complete darkness.

Under the same night sky, in another house, a child was pacing back and forth. He kept at it for such a long time until he grew tired. But even in his weary state he cannot ignore the heavy feeling weighing down his chest. He slept with a heavy heart.

The next day, just a few moments after waking up, the little child received a call -Another message that will send his soul spiralling to despair. Another grief to carry. Another one lost.

Back at the small wooden house, silence prevailed. She lies still in bed with her arms folded near her heart. Despite the soot-covered walls and ashes all over her sheets, she was smiling.

After years of waiting, they were reunited at last -Resting in peace.