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Her infinite smile…

I was slowly opening my eyes to the dews of midnight dreams, when I heard her calling my name. For a while everything she said felt empty. As if all the words kept passing through me without really any understanding. I just sat there and nodded my head in confusion, without really being aware of anything but the infinite joy that is dancing around her lips.

She was so radiant as I watch her smile, her pale face is against the blood red of the roses which she’s clutching tight to her chest.  She was sharing a brief moment of blissful insanity with the once thorn-filled beauty that is now prisoner in her hands.

I could not even begin to ask how such petty little things could bring so much happiness to such an unfathomable girl. Who would even dare question the insanity brought about by the unexpected response to one’s feelings, by the person whom he or she loves? Who would dare break a moment of self-fulfilment when one finally realizes that the impossible that one’s hoping for is now within arm’s reach? It wouldn’t be me.

So I just kept lying quietly against the grass, tucking myself into the silence of my queries and inattention, as I look upon the sky that is slowly stripping itself off the colors of midnight. I haven’t realized how long it had been. It surely has been hours since we got here. It has been hours since she started telling me about her now severed unrequited love and hundreds of minutes since I started tuning it out for all I wanted to think about was the person who we were waiting for. How many more minutes?

And soon as I decided to give up waiting and start for home, I saw a familiar figure from a distance that has convinced me to stay a little longer.  He waves at us from a distance and I tried to wave back with as much enthusiasm. He walks closer and as the details of his face start to get clearer, my desire to cut the moment was growing stronger. I sighed to myself hoping that somehow the radiance of her smile could make those roses disappear from his sight, but one could only hope for the possible.

I sat up trying to give as much attention as I could. I looked for signs in his face, wanting to know if he’s still holding up, but all I got where vague stares and empty smiles. And I stared at him for so long hoping that my gaze could tell him how sorry I am for letting this happen when I know the truth about his feelings and how much time is slipping from our hands, but he wouldn’t look back. He wouldn’t even so much return a glance as if the roses stood as a bouquet of my betrayal – my failure to keep my promise.

And the three of us went on like this for so long, I felt as if the distance between all of us right now exceeded all the time we spent together. I sat there helpless with no remedy for my problems; he sat there listening with a makeshift smile to conceal his sorrow as we both listen to her love-struck tale, which beyond her knowing is pulling us apart.

And there was so much silence between us that my thoughts felt as if they were screaming at me. I should have just told her from the start. “The boy loves you more than anything in the world and you care for him as much. I wish you’d just give a careful look even just for a while and realize that you’re blocking yourself from what’s right in front of you because you’re too busy chasing stars. ” And the selfishness of my thoughts started to escalate as I went on “How can you be so reckless as to ruin our friendship like this-Waving the petals of your exaggerated infatuation in front of the boy who’s breaking in pieces. How could you spend our last moment together, breaking the two hearts that cared for you the most? He’s leaving tonight, drop the lifeless beauty and run for him…”  But as my thoughts went to a halt, I realized she never really knew, did she? As obvious as it may seem for everybody else, his feelings were always just genuine friendship for her and she never really did knew that those feelings were trying to bid farewell at this very moment.

He gave one last smile and a hug for the both of us before starting for home. And I wanted to stay in that moment for as long as I can for it will be very long until we are like this again. And I wanted to pull him back in as soon as his hands started to slip away, but there’s no stopping time from running. So I gave him one last look telling him that I’m really sorry, and to my most fortunate heart he returned my gesture with a soft wink and a faint smile that allowed me to understood that he was going to try again.

And so we parted ways with untold secrets and fluttering hopes. I sat myself inside the car hoping my dreams could once again take me to a safe place. And right beside me sat the girl who completed the other half of my heart, whispering to the world all the happiness she has inside.

She grins into silence, as the sun peers through the windows of the car and the rays spread gracefully across her face. I sit across her, watching. My thoughts spiral down as I follow the threads of her hair be blown by the wind. I looked at her and she still holds all the joy of the world in her infinite smile.

Could anyone really break such happiness? Should I let everything untold keep hanging? I sigh my confusion unto the wind and thought to myself “Maybe not today. I won’t see the two of you be together today. But maybe some other day, when clouds are clearer and emotions aren’t as tangled as the lights dancing on earth. ”

And I let my problems pass just for that moment, and I let myself get lost in the growing music of the drizzle that’s been building up outside. Not knowing that a pure moment of empty thoughts and silent gestures would precede a billion moments apart.

The rain was beginning to rage as I slowly slip into the land of dreams. I took one last glance at the joy of the person sitting beside me.

As the world started to turn into a massive collision and shards of bleeding glass started to rain down on us, I was collecting the last thing to remember…

The three of us won’t be seeing each other soon. Death is not soon enough.

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Reading classics – Edgar Allan Poe

I haven’t really read in a while. I never really found the time in the last couple of weeks, which is exactly why I’m trying to make up for it by starting to read again this week. And on top of my want-to-read list right now is our leather-bound copy of “The complete tales and poems of Edgar Allan Poe” . It’s a really big, really thick book and it would probably take me a year to finish, but a tiny dose everyday can’t hurt.

What I’ve read so far: The introduction (basically a brief summary of edgar’s life, which is not as boring as I thought it would be) and a few poems, which surprisingly are not scary or wrapped up in death and somehow kind of romantic, but still really good.

Here are a few of my favorite lines so far…

I have no word-alas-to tell
the loveliness of loving well

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And she would mark the opening skies
I saw no heaven-but in her eyes

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I have been happy, tho’ in a dream.
I have been happy-and I love the theme:
Dreams! in their vivid coloring of life,
As in that fleeting, shadowy, misty strife
Of semblance with reality which brings
To the delirious eye, more lovely things
Of Paradise and Love-and all our own!
Than young Hope in his sunniest hour hath known

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What could there be more purely bright
In Truth’s day-star?

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Clouds collide

A falling star may brush the night

Bursting colors when she’s up high

But down below, she’s not so bright

Just a metallic shard out of sky

 

A stargazer can pass by, ignore the crater

Unmind the rock of less magnificence

But open your eyes, stay a little later

Explosion of stardust, will take your innocence

 

Take a step down, closer, dig deeper

Talk to her, take her hand, walk by her side

Know she’s the same sky light, my foolish seeker

Learn all this time, in front of your eyes, clouds collide

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Heart of hopes

Silent soulful cries shed by distressed damsels

Call upon the heart of hopes in her sleep

With a wave of wand heartbreak farewells

Grants maidens eternal happiness to keep

 

She’s not a flabby, fluffy old folk

Just a girl graced with generosity

Weaving royalty romance with a single stroke

Watching prince and princess kiss to infinity

 

And she follows the scene with such longing

How does one give hope in sacrifice of love?

Why are chances given up for other’s wishing

And part with your prince to put others above?

 

Do godmothers ever win the man in the armour

Or is a chance at love just something to hope for?

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Lucky charms

Dear friend, free yourself of fret and fear

Wipe yourself clean from marks of insanity

And I’ll open my hands to catch your every tear

Give you a smile from the sea of no gravity

 

Stars shimmering, shooting across the sky

Shall gather in my palms in numbers of no end

And every ray of light will make your dreams fly

And the warmth of night, to your embrace I’ll send

 

I’ll wrap it with feathers from angel wings

To calm the storms that may come your way

Sprinkle it with dust from magical things

To send your doubts and insecurities away

 

Hope you accept with sparkle in your eyes

My apology for my untimely demise

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Catching fire

She took the world’s anger with her

Bit it, broke it and bottled it up

Secured, sealed locked till none can sever

But easily unlocked with a thunder’s drop

 

Peering through peace a perilous storm

Cutting fragile glass to a million stars

Rage released sparked rain in fire form

Madness drizzles, so she catches scars

 

Collecting wrath’s crippling, corrupted sands

Painted a spectrum of blood in her hands

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No more tears

Humans do think

That the worst parts

In life are those

That reflect shadows

 

When there’s camaraderie

Between complex emotions

Dramatic climax clashes

And lachrymal overflows

 

Those moments when

Science loses reason

To comprehend why

In dire times, tears fall

 

The whole world crashes

And nothing is left

But to unleash the beast

Solely owned by human soul

 

We break down

Beat ourselves red and dry

As a simple reminder that

We’re broken yet alive

 

Would heartbreak’s epitome

Really be a rain of life?

I think only the worst

If we can no longer cry

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Far from dreams

Monday evening and everything was quiet like before

Save for the wind’s howling and footsteps at the door

The father stands outside holding the chiming keys

Turns the lock, walks in and closes the door gently

 

He greets the children with smiles and a hug with each

All of them welcoming his wine-sunken reach

He makes his way to a couch to watch the old tv

Frowning, while listening to all daughters laugh with glee

 

He slowly glances to the table into a huge pile of work

Been twenty years working and he’s still just a clerk

For a moment, he thought of all that could’ve been

Silent as his thoughts slowly slips into the land of unseen

 

Later that night, when midnight was fast approaching

The mother comes home too tired to be knocking

She lays down her things and prepares for sleep

Kisses the night and her daughters dreaming deep

 

She lays down in bed and thinks about a home

Where the house is small and nights don’t feel alone

She coughs a little, strained, her lungs give aching

When her eyes closed, she dreams of everything missing

 

Not far away, the little daughter stays wide awake

But keeping conscious does not wash away the ache

Even in sleeping, there is no real escape it seems

‘Cause truth’s that they’re all far away from their dreams